I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
