Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
