You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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