capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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