Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy

(1-313): View more from Michigan

You shut your mouth

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(979): View more from Texas

i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

(903): View more from Texas

wow. i have no words.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(440): View more from Ohio

Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

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(207): View more from Maine

He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.

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(949): View more from California

"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.

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