It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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