I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bring me that man meat
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
