You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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