today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
