no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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