It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
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That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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