Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize