i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
