We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
