You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
