Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
