You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish you could order shots online.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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