How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
