2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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