I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
