Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
