You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
