His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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