hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
