see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
