This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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