Sry I called you an 8
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
