Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
