Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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