I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
