omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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