it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
