The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
