Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
