I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
