we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
