I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
