So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
