this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
