Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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