theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
