Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
