my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
