I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
