even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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