If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
its not stalking. its research.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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