I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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