Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
