Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need a beard to bite.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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