The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just googled if crying burns calories
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.