Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.

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(845): forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night. http://tfl.nu/wdqe

Replies (6) Good night (1431) Bad night (500)
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(419): View more from Ohio

take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.

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(419): take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball. http://tfl.nu/c4b7

Replies (11) Good night (1842) Bad night (649)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.

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(320): I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it. http://tfl.nu/sdid

Replies (11) Good night (5583) Bad night (1334)
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(469): View more from Texas

It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.

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(469): It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays. http://tfl.nu/21z4

Replies (13) Good night (4391) Bad night (1218)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in

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(201): On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in http://tfl.nu/9hap

Replies (8) Good night (3774) Bad night (914)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.

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(847): I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink. http://tfl.nu/akmh

Replies (3) Good night (2387) Bad night (1274)
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(831): View more from California

She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs

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(831): She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs http://tfl.nu/k6rx

Replies (7) Good night (3107) Bad night (1170)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.

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(321): Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip. http://tfl.nu/0cyl

Replies (7) Good night (1302) Bad night (688)
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(406): View more from Montana

I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period

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(406): I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period http://tfl.nu/lg74

Replies (7) Good night (397) Bad night (674)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.

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(304): Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination. http://tfl.nu/22p5

Replies (4) Good night (395) Bad night (190)
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(707): View more from California

Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid

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(707): Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid http://tfl.nu/1mf7

Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (249)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...

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(603): I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly... http://tfl.nu/93wn

Replies (0) Good night (1139) Bad night (226)
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(619): View more from California

I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.

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(619): I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you. http://tfl.nu/28jb

Replies (0) Good night (214) Bad night (642)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.

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(603): At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great. http://tfl.nu/qakx

Replies (0) Good night (380) Bad night (160)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.

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(203): She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle. http://tfl.nu/9n9g

Replies (4) Good night (873) Bad night (163)

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