didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."