Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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