I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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