so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
