Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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