I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
