I want to make a zoo with you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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