I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
