I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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