she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
