Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
