I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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