After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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