I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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