All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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