I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
