Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
