1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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