I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You can't special order awesome
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
