I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
