chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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