She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
