btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
