I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
