Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
These tits shall not be calmed
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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