last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
