My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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