Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
