Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my poor anus
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
