Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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