she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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