dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
