1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
