I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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