Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
