Apparently you make a good broom.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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