if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
